Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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