So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
