I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
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