i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
