What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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