Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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