Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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