I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
