I wanna bring you to show and tell
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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