You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
