I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
