Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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