your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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