I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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