Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
