i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
