I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
