whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
