Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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