I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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