i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
