i need an iv and a liver transplant
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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