two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
