Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
