Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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