Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I could make wine with my vomit
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
