wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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