My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
