I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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