Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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