Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
