the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
