I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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