we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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