he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
