I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
