and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
