I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
