How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
