So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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