I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
