Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
