...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
