mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
