i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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