The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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