He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize