He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
