I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
