At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
