Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
