wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
