my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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