sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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