my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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