if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
