Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
