i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
