Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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