OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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