In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize