And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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