you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
