were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
