Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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