someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Found your dick twin last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
