I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
