I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
