Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
