I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
