He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
