her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
