I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
