He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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