come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
