god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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