after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
