It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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