Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
