So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
