My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
