hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
