how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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