apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
