I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
