I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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