i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
