I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
