you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
