Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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