you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This house was built for laser tag.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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