I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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