Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
foreskin is a definite game changer
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
