just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
