I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
