Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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