I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize