Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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