so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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