sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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