When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
