marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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