Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize