are you so shy because you have an std?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am mentally ready for anal.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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