I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
