saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've blown a few things in my day
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
