Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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