While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
